The Odyssey: A Stage Version Read online

  Frightful, isn’t it? The way the old fool scowls?

  SECOND MAID

  Terrible, the way his frown forks like an anchor.

  ODYSSEUS

  One wiry noon, out there, on the purple water.

  FIRST MAID

  Get away, you bug-eyed lobster! Draw in your claws.

  ODYSSEUS

  Yes.

  (The MAIDS laugh.)

  I was fishing and caught you. Where was it? Please?

  EURYCLEIA

  Set of scandalous prick-teasers.

  (MAIDS exit, laughing, throwing fishes. ARNAEUS enters, a huge swineherd with an eye-patch, in a filthy sheepskin.)

  What you want now?

  ARNAEUS

  Not you, you dried-up old stick. I just brought some in.

  EURYCLEIA

  Eumaeus’ pigs are better.

  ARNAEUS

  Who says so, you sow?

  EURYCLEIA

  I say so.

  ARNAEUS

  A dog’s dying near the garbage bin.

  (EURYCLEIA exits.)

  ODYSSEUS

  Hello.

  (ARNAEUS crosses to ODYSSEUS.)

  ARNAEUS

  ‘Hello, sir,’ said the dog. And who are you?

  ODYSSEUS

  I’m nobody.

  ARNAEUS

  We don’t like nobodies round here.

  ODYSSEUS

  That could be.

  ARNAEUS

  What?

  ODYSSEUS

  I said that could be.

  ARNAEUS

  Don’t argue.

  (ODYSSEUS gives the Cyclops salute.)

  ODYSSEUS

  Sir!

  ARNAEUS

  Don’t be smart either. Don’t come on sarcastic.

  ODYSSEUS

  What happened to your eye?

  ARNAEUS

  None of your goddamned business.

  ODYSSEUS

  You keep rams?

  ARNAEUS

  So?

  ODYSSEUS

  Didn’t I put it out with a stake?

  ARNAEUS

  Oh, you did? I see. He’s crazy. That wasn’t nice.

  (Throws ODYSSEUS off his stool.)

  ODYSSEUS

  You herded rams on the cliffs of the Cyclades.

  ARNAEUS

  Rams? You open your mouth and I’ll ram it with swill!

  ODYSSEUS

  Don’t you remember?

  ARNAEUS

  What?

  ODYSSEUS

  Us, pulling our oar-blades?

  (ARNAEUS empties slop over ODYSSEUS.)

  ARNAEUS

  Enjoy.

  ODYSSEUS

  Throwing a ship-sized boulder from your hill?

  ARNAEUS

  What hill?!

  (ODYSSEUS leaps on ARNAEUS and they wrestle, all over the kitchen. EURYCLEIA enters.)

  EURYCLEIA

  Damn commotion! Where you think this place is?

  ARNAEUS

  I’ll crunch your eyeballs like these two eggs, do you hear?

  (Squeezes two eggs in his palms.)

  EURYCLEIA

  Arnaeus, look your money. Go ‘bout your business.

  (ARNAEUS takes his money, shoves ODYSSEUS away. ODYSSEUS sits on the floor.)

  ARNAEUS

  Rams! Cyclades!

  (ARNAEUS exits. EUMAEUS enters.)

  EUMAEUS

  The old dog’s dying by the garbage.

  DEMODOCUS

  It smells like garbage.

  EUMAEUS

  Fur moulting from its ribs.

  ODYSSEUS

  Argus?

  EURYCLEIA

  Him won’t eat.

  (She exits.)

  EUMAEUS

  It’s the heartbreak of old age.

  ODYSSEUS

  Since when?

  DEMODOCUS

  Since his master set out on the long ships.

  (ODYSSEUS walks outside. Silence. EUMAEUS touches

  BILLY BLUE’S shoulder.)

  EUMAEUS

  The old dog’s tottering to him on newborn legs.

  BILLY BLUE

  Argus?

  EUMAEUS

  Nosing his thighs. He’s cradling it. It’s dead.

  BILLY BLUE

  It waited for this. Its master. This king who begs.

  EUMAEUS

  I loved him as much. A dog saw more than I did.

  BILLY BLUE

  This man dare not weep. Though roads and nights can be wet.

  EUMAEUS

  I fed him his own meat. Housed him in my own hut.

  BILLY BLUE

  I smelled the sea on him. You must keep his secret.

  EUMAEUS

  God, what a knot of pain he must have for a heart!

  (EUMAEUS and BILLY BLUE exit. TELEMACHUS enters, cowled, sits in silence. ODYSSEUS enters.)

  ODYSSEUS

  And where’re you from, young man?

  (Silence.)

  TELEMACHUS

  I’m from where everybody comes from. From my home.

  ODYSSEUS

  And where’s that? I said, ‘Where is that?’

  TELEMACHUS

  Look, man, it’s late.

  ODYSSEUS

  It’s never too late, youngster.

  (Silence.)

  TELEMACHUS

  So, where are you from?

  ODYSSEUS

  From home, as well.

  TELEMACHUS

  Then we’re both from the same place. Great.

  (He exits.)

  SCENE V

  A palace chamber. Dusk on the painted walls. PENELOPE enters, sits at her loom, then ODYSSEUS approaches.

  PENELOPE

  Now the Pleiades sit to hear sailors’ stories.

  ODYSSEUS

  Now the lucky wanderer staggers to his bed.

  PENELOPE

  My own bed is besieged by a hundred suitors.

  ODYSSEUS

  And I’ve left the sea. Its lace was my faithless bride.

  PENELOPE

  So, you knew my husband?

  ODYSSEUS

  I know Odysseus.

  PENELOPE

  You say ‘know,’ not ‘knew’. Does that mean he isn’t dead?

  ODYSSEUS

  He’s turned into a name, wandering the white seas.

  PENELOPE

  I cannot wait for a name or warm it in bed.

  ODYSSEUS

  You gave him a brooch once. A hound pinning a fawn?

  PENELOPE

  You saw that brooch?

  ODYSSEUS

  Yes.

  PENELOPE

  Did it keep him through the war?

  ODYSSEUS

  Before every battle, he would kiss it often.

  PENELOPE

  And you saw this?

  ODYSSEUS

  I swear it.

  PENELOPE

  Men have sworn before.

  (Silence.)

  May I work while we talk? It’s soothing, the rhythm.

  (She weaves. A roar from the SUITORS.)

  ODYSSEUS

  My house has dark rooms that I dare not examine.

  PENELOPE

  Where’s your house?

  ODYSSEUS

  Here. (He touches his temple.)

  The crab moves with its property.

  PENELOPE

  And turtles.

  (A roar from the SUITORS.)

  ODYSSEUS

  The sea breeds monsters. None strange as men.

  PENELOPE

  Where’s the thread in those thoughts?

  ODYSSEUS

  In my mind’s tapestry.

  (Silence. PENELOPE working.)

  The pattern is intricate. What’s it you’re making?

  PENELOPE

  A shroud for Laertes.

  ODYSSEUS

  That your suitors wait for?

  PENELOPE

  Yes. They cottoned on.

&
nbsp; ODYSSEUS

  To the time it was taking?

  PENELOPE

  I’d unstitch it like a swallow’s beak picking straw.

  ODYSSEUS

  Swallows are my friends.

  PENELOPE

  There’s a nest in this house.

  ODYSSEUS

  I’ll have a word with one. But they’ve seen for themselves.

  PENELOPE

  You mean my devotion to the god Odysseus?

  ODYSSEUS

  You think he’s a god?

  PENELOPE

  To the girl I was. Nothing else.

  ODYSSEUS

  But now?

  PENELOPE

  No change. No change. Today I have to choose.

  ODYSSEUS

  One of those people in there?

  PENELOPE

  Yes. My son’s now mature.

  ODYSSEUS

  Which one do you like best? That fellow Antinous?

  PENELOPE

  I said once the shroud was finished I would be sure.

  ODYSSEUS

  If I were younger I might have been one of those.

  PENELOPE

  When I unveil myself I’ll also shroud this face.

  ODYSSEUS

  Why?

  PENELOPE

  I said I’d choose one from a hundred husbands.

  ODYSSEUS

  Once the shroud was finished? Marriage was its promise?

  PENELOPE

  The death of one vow in another’s wedding banns.

  ODYSSEUS

  Still, you’ll rule the kingdom next to your husband’s side.

  PENELOPE

  Then my son could be killed or disinherited.

  ODYSSEUS

  So soon you will wear both veils, both widow and bride.

  PENELOPE

  And lilacs will make a grave of my marriage bed.

  (Silence.)

  Are you crying? You’re cold. Shall I light a fire?

  ODYSSEUS

  No, let me sit here and drain this joy to the dregs.

  PENELOPE

  What joy?

  ODYSSEUS

  A gratitude that comforts desire.

  PENELOPE

  And you were a king somewhere?

  ODYSSEUS

  Once. Now one who begs.

  PENELOPE

  As blue sea shows at the end of a corridor?

  ODYSSEUS

  Yes?

  PENELOPE

  Then it turns leaden and the sky threatens rain?

  ODYSSEUS

  Meaning?

  PENELOPE

  That is my house since he left for his war.

  ODYSSEUS

  But that sea might brighten and your husband return.

  PENELOPE

  They say there’re two gates through which our dreams are portrayed.

  ODYSSEUS

  Yes. One is made of ivory, the other, horn.

  PENELOPE

  That the ivory’s hopes are false and we are betrayed.

  ODYSSEUS

  And the horn delivers whatever it has shown.

  PENELOPE

  I dreamt again last night of him. Odysseus.

  ODYSSEUS

  Which gate swung open? The horn or the ivory?

  PENELOPE

  The horn. I dreamt that an eagle killed all my geese.

  ODYSSEUS

  Are you asking me to interpret?

  PENELOPE

  Yes. Help me.

  ODYSSEUS

  The squawking geese? Suitors.

  PENELOPE

  The eagle?

  ODYSSEUS

  Odysseus.

  PENELOPE

  Ah!

  ODYSSEUS

  He’d pile the dead like linen for your servants.

  PENELOPE

  My maids will dress you in clothes that were my husband’s.

  ODYSSEUS

  I’m not fit, ma’am.

  (PENELOPE goes to the door, claps her hands.)

  PENELOPE

  EURYCLEIA! You’re in good hands.

  ODYSSEUS

  Yes.

  PENELOPE

  No faith is surer than this old Egyptian’s.

  ODYSSEUS

  So, trust her faith.

  PENELOPE

  Not every owl is an omen.

  (She returns to the loom.)

  ODYSSEUS

  Do you always miss him?

  PENELOPE

  Does the doe miss her young?

  ODYSSEUS

  Or an aged lion its mate? I know what you mean.

  PENELOPE

  I weave and unweave this thing with a little song.

  ODYSSEUS

  It might break my heart.

  PENELOPE

  Oh, it’s short. It won’t break long.

  (Sings)

  Just as the sea’s shuttle weaves and unweaves her foam,

  He lies lost in a battle with salt weeds around him.

  But she weaves and she prays that he’ll one day come home

  As fine as she found him when their vows were one.

  (Speaks)

  Well, it’s finished now. He’s dead. Like my widowhood.

  ODYSSEUS

  And if he’s not dead?

  PENELOPE

  Too late. I gave them my promise.

  ODYSSEUS

  Can’t you wait?

  PENELOPE

  I cannot, I must honour my word.

  ODYSSEUS

  I curse the cause of your sorrow, Odysseus.

  (EURYCLEIA enters with a basin, cloths, oils.)

  EURYCLEIA

  Lord, missis, me must wash this man foot?

  PENELOPE

  He’s our guest.

  EURYCLEIA

  Your guest. Na mine.

  PENELOPE

  Treat him as if this were his house.

  EURYCLEIA

  Damn stinking-toe beggar.

  PENELOPE

  Then he’ll be combed and dressed.

  (She exits.)

  EURYCLEIA

  Maybe you go be the first one she bring to she bed.

  ODYSSEUS

  Watch your tongue!

  EURYCLEIA

  Wash your foot.

  (She rolls up ODYSSEUS’ robe to the thighs.)

  Wait. How you get this scar?

  ODYSSEUS

  A trapped boar rattled through dry reeds and lanced this thigh.

  EURYCLEIA

  A boar? In the same place?

  (Falls back.)

  Oh God, is you, Master?

  (ODYSSEUS grabs her, covers her mouth.)

  ODYSSEUS

  Hear those wild boars in there? Shut up, or we’ll all die!

  (TELEMACHUS enters, hooded.)

  TELEMACHUS

  Is there no end to beggars feeding on this house?

  EURYCLEIA

  Telemachus, you come back!

  TELEMACHUS

  Yes! To end all this.

  (He grabs ODYSSEUS.)

  ODYSSEUS

  How is good Nestor? And my friend Menelaus?

  TELEMACHUS

  Not as reduced as you. Next, you’ll know Odysseus.

  ODYSSEUS

  Very well.

  EURYCLEIA

  Boy, sit before you faint. Your father.

  TELEMACHUS

  This majesty in rags. This mongrel scabbed with mange?

  ODYSSEUS

  Argus is dead. I buried him. Show him the scar.

  (EURYCLEIA shows the scar. TELEMACHUS sits.)

  EURYCLEIA

  Remember stories him tell you about the white boar?

  TELEMACHUS

  This could happen to anyone.

  ODYSSEUS

  In this same place?

  EURYCLEIA

  Open your arms to him, boy.

  ODYSSEUS

  I need a harbour.

  EURYCLEIA

  All you like two cautious crabs. Embrace, nuh. Embrace.
r />   ODYSSEUS

  Springs trickle around Mount Neriton’s mossy stones.

  TELEMACHUS

  Sir.

  ODYSSEUS

  These crooked tears, Telemachus, are its streams …

  TELEMACHUS

  Stop.

  ODYSSEUS

  Streaking the mountain’s face to find the ocean’s.

  TELEMACHUS

  Please.

  ODYSSEUS

  For twenty years this union salted my dreams.

  (ODYSSEUS and TELEMACHUS hug.)

  TELEMACHUS

  Can my father stand next to my astonishment?

  ODYSSEUS

  You’re too thin, Telemachus. You should exercise.

  TELEMACHUS

  Is that what a bird prefigured? A swallow meant?

  EURYCLEIA

  Yes, yes.

  TELEMACHUS

  I’ll exercise soon, ‘Sacker of Cities’.

  ODYSSEUS

  Don’t envy me Troy. Troy. God, who needs another?

  TELEMACHUS

  When you’ve come back like a beggar to your own door?

  ODYSSEUS

  Ten years of Troy. And after, ten tired years more.

  EURYCLEIA

  I should run and tell the good news to his mother.

  ODYSSEUS

  No! Who told you I was home? Who brought the message?

  TELEMACHUS

  Love was my whip, fear and delight were my horses.

  ODYSSEUS

  For hours, as a beggar, boy, I’ve choked back my rage.

  TELEMACHUS

  The wheels kept hissing, Odysseus, Odysseus!

  ODYSSEUS

  Like another Nestor, eh? Along the white sands.

  TELEMACHUS

  He remembers those races by the Scamander.

  ODYSSEUS

  He does, eh?

  TELEMACHUS

  But now they’re claws. Branches. His hands.

  ODYSSEUS

  My pain’s in my shoulder. Our red-haired commander?

  TELEMACHUS

  I hid in Menelaus’ palace for months.

  ODYSSEUS

  Old redhead, who inflamed us to search for his wife.

  TELEMACHUS

  And came home ten years before you. He’s a great prince.

  ODYSSEUS

  A rich one. Who owes me twenty years of my life.

  (Silence.)

  And Helen, who made widows of so many wives?

  TELEMACHUS

  I wouldn’t tremble if I were her bath-water.

  ODYSSEUS

  You would have, then. Her golden hair threaded our lives.

  TELEMACHUS

  She’s settled now.

  ODYSSEUS

  She’s in her heyday’s afternoon.

  TELEMACHUS

  Did men find her that stunning, then, to launch a war?

  ODYSSEUS

  Finally, no. None is like your mother.

  EURYCLEIA

  Not one.

  (ODYSSEUS paces.)

  ODYSSEUS

  There’re bright arms on my wall. Trophies from endeavours?

  TELEMACHUS

  Yes?

  ODYSSEUS

  Unhang them, and offer some servant’s excuse.

  TELEMACHUS

  Like, too much smoke smudges them. That’ll be my excuse.

  ODYSSEUS

  To polish and hoard them in case someone argues.

  TELEMACHUS

  I’ll hide your armoury away from the suitors.

  (ODYSSEUS stops him.)